its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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