2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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