i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize