Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
