I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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