From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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