I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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