We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
