I cut my penus on the lid.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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