I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
