Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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