If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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