I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
