Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
