even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I have already put on my inside pants.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Never let your siblings swipe right.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize