party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
