I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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