More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
