i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
