I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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