he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
