I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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