happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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