I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
