I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
