Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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