apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Randomize
