Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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