I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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