The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
