somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
