so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
