I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
