just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
