the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
