I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
why do cheetos always look like penises
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
