Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
