You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
