Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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