I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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