I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
