so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
