I just made out with a guy for $7.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
