Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
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for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
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But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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