And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
