id be glad to
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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