I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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