We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
