So drunk, too bad you don't want this
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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