hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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