i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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