Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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