got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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