I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
