I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
