Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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