Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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