um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
