I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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