i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
