My Higher Power is John Stamos
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
