Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
