hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
