how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
