how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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