btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
How's work?
Spinning.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
