yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
