just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
