my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
