The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
