Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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