I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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