dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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