we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
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