the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
