We're like a lot better than the average bears
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Boobs are out for the taking
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
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