dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
