Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Randomize
