Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
