Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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