Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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